On to my personal numbers. People will tell me I'm being too hard on myself, but this was the worst meet I've ever had. Friday I weighed in at 111.6 lbs, putting me in the 114 weight class, which is what I planned on. I didn't mean to cut that much weight, and I think that might have screwed me a little bit. I wasn't feeling great all day Friday. I couldn't put my finger on it, I just didn't feel like myself. I just figured it was nerves getting the best of me. But on Saturday morning, Aunt Flo came in like a wrecking ball and completely screwed me physically and emotionally (but mostly emotionally). With her came cramps, a dull headache that stayed with me all day no matter how many advil I popped, and overall weakness. I think I spent more time crying in the bathroom at this meet than I did actually lifting....and I DON'T cry over lifts EVER. That's just not something I do. In every meet I've ever lifted in, I've always been one of the first lifters, because they usually set up the flights by weight being lifted. This time it seemed like everything was just totally random. There were 6 flights of lifters and I was in the 5th flight.
I didn't start squatting until around 2:30 in the afternoon after I had been there for 5 hours already just stewing in my anxiety. That threw me off a little bit, but once I started warming up my squat and getting into the groove, I started feeling better. I hit my squat opener, which was 155, like it was nothing. My second attempt was 175. I got a little bit stuck but pushed through and decided to take 195 as my third. I missed it. I felt that the spotters jumped the gun a little bit and didn't give me a chance to try to push it up, but looking back at the video I actually shake my head and start to drop back down. I was so frustrated. My squat was the one lift I have been focusing my entire training cycle on, and I went into this meet thinking I was going to kill my squats. Yes, 175 is a 10lb meet PR, but I've hit 185 in the gym. My mom kept asking why I took such a big jump and it upset me so much that I ended up leaving her mid-sentence to run to the bathroom where I proceeded to sob my eyes out for a good 20 minutes. I was so mad at myself and I actually can't believe I cried that much over a missed squat. I still want that 200 and I plan on getting it next time. Squat videos below:
155:
175:
195 (miss):
On to bench....everyone knows how I feel about benching. It's stupid and I hate it. My shoulders have been giving me a hard time for a couple of months now, so I really haven't been actively working on my bench at all. I was still benching once a week, but only up to 85 or 90lbs. I hit 95 for the first time since October about 3 weeks ago but didn't touch it again until I attempted it on the platform. My shoulders were KILLING me all day. I think I voodoo-ed them 3 times before I benched. I was lax balling for about an hour. They just hurt, so I knew going into benching that I was not going to do well. I took 85 as my first attempt. My foot cramped up mid-bench but I pushed through and got it. If you watch my left foot in the video, you can see me moving it around then putting it flat. My second attempt was 95 which I should have been able to get but I missed it. And I missed it on my third. This time I didn't even make it to the bathroom, the tears just came out as soon as I walked off the platform. Luckily one my my teammates and good friends was right there and was able to talk me down but benching was definitely the worst part of the day. An 85 bench in the 114 weight class is pathetic. And it's the same number I got back in October. I'm still so upset about it so I'm done talking about it. Here's the video of 85, I'm not even posting the 95 misses:
And finally, deadlifts. Well, luckily I redeemed myself here. I didn't deadlift until about 10:30pm. I was tired, I was sore, but I do. not. miss. deadlifts. I've never missed a deadlift on the Ultimate platform. I had to pull myself together after my disastrous benching. I started warming up my deadlift at 9:30 thinking I'd be going soon, but by the time I actually did start I was completely cold. I hit my opener, 215, easy. I went for 225 next, which was also easy but my back was hurting a lot at this point. I went for 235 as my third and got it. It was a grinder but I should have done 240. Kicking myself now, but at least I got 235. When I deadlift, if I break the floor it will go all the way up. I've never missed a deadlift halfway up. As soon as I felt 235 coming off the floor I knew I had it. That's a 15lb meet PR and 10lb overall PR. I rarely show emotion on the platform (I don't know why, I just get in the zone and put on what some have called a "stonecold bitchface"....sorry guys, I guess I'm just intense), but I was so happy about that lift. You can kind of see the celebration at the end of the video but my dad got an awesome picture. Videos below:
215:
225:
235:
So I ended with a 175 squat, 85 bench, and 235 deadlift for a 495 total. Took first place in the Women's Open Raw Amateur 114 division. So so so so sooooooooooooooooooo pissed that I was 5lbs off of a 500 total. Should have gone for the 240 deadlift (or 90 bench, ugh). I wasn't happy with my performance. But I am happy about my deadlifts. Looking back, I have come a far way since October, especially with everything that;'s been going on in my life. I trained alone for this meet. I know I didn't train hard enough. But I fully plan on coming back stronger than ever. So what's my plan now? I'm going to take a step back from heavy lifting for a couple of weeks and do a hypertrophy phase, aka get huge. Then I'll start training again and hopefully compete at the end of the summer or in the fall. I would love to do a meet in the Boston area, I just have to find one! I love competing and I can't wait to do it again. I'm so proud of Zsquad for killing it out there.
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